Pink

Meghan and I finished painting Molly's room last Friday. I love the new color! It's very cheery. Here are a few recent photos. My new camera was not working (holy cow!) but it was just the memory card.

Meg, Mo and Molly in her room.

Molly in her swim suit. She LOVES the water and laughs when she goes all the way under.

Olivia. Molly's friend from the Baby House. CUTIE!

Olivia again.

1/2

Tomorrow is the last 1/2 day! We clean more and have a catered lunch at the upper campus. Mexican food from Luna de Noche, yummy! Also, I have finished painting 1/2 of Molly's room. The color is called hopeful, it's a medium pink. Meg and Mo (my cousins) are coming tomorrow to help me finish. I'll post pictures soon. Tomorrow at this time I am going to be celebrating!!!!!

Thinking About Grief

I was driving to the post office last night when I had a huge realization about grieving my Dad. My 1st strange thought was that I could drive all over looking for him and never find him. I don't know why that came to mind because it seems sort of childlike. On to the next thought.....in life none of us are ever fully satisfied with our houses, cars, money, job status, relationships, we complain about others, judge others, want things our way.....the list goes on. We all either want more, want to be in a different place etc......I think it's the nature of living in this fallen world. I realized that my grief is a mirror to this life. No matter what anyone says to me, no matter if any one remembers my Dad or not, no matter if people understand the loss of a parent, or if they understand a loss to suicide, or if they think only crazy people "kill themselves", or if they think this won't happen to them (not that I wish that on anyone), or if they say the exact right thing I will NEVER be satisfied because ultimately they can not bring back Tim Cook (I like to saying his name), my Dad. I feel so free of my expectations. I can feel sad about him and not have all these other crazy feelings about they way people respond or understand. Relief!

By the way, I have changed the date of my Birthday :) June SUCKS because of Mary's suicide, June 13, my Papa's death, June 22, and my Dad's suicide June 25, and one other something that is coming up on June 9th (friends you know what I am talking about). So, my family has agreed to let me have my B-day on May 30th. I was going to go for December but that would get too confusing! LOL!

Gorgeous!

This is Caroline Carter Fortin. She is my cousin Jen's 3rd girl. Carter is my cousin's maiden name. She was going to name a boy Carter. This is the 3rd and last for her so Carter is the middle name. (I took a picture of this picture so it is a little fuzzy) I can not wait to meet this cutie!

Rogers Wildlife Sanctuary

I took Molly to the Rogers Wildlife Sanctuary in Hutchins, Texas today. It's a place for any type of injured bird. They have ducks, geese, peacocks, vultures, blue birds, turkeys, pelicans, owls, parrots, crows, baby ducks, and other birds I did not recognize. Some birds are in cages but about 1/2 of them roam free. It's not at all fancy but fun to see. It's free and you can take bread
and feed everyone!

Frozen Yougurt

Braums has the best frozen yougurt! Only $1.25 for the small cone and it is huge! I had to give mine up to you know who tonight. (We do wash her hair but tonight it is greased up with sunblock)

The End

Today was the last day of school, field day. I got some very nice gifts from the kids. North Park Gold (lots of it), a few nice flower arrangements, some other odds and ends, and this special picture and frame. About a month ago we made big posters with encouraging adjectives about each friend. So in turn the kids each chose an adjective for me and they put them around our school picture. Very sweet. I've been extremely thankful for the nice kids and the even nicer parents. If it hadn't been for the parents I don't know if I could have made it. 2 1/2 more days of clean up and then summer break!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1 MORE

1 more day, 1 field day, and 2 1/2 work days :)

2 More

2 more days with kids, 1 field day (only 1 hour), and 2 1/2 work days in my room. I've always thought of myself as a SURVIVOR and now even more so. Enough said :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

Mama's Girl

This series of pictures was snapped in exact order. No directions given. Some things just come to us naturally ;)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I made an A in my nutrition class!!!! In January I made two goals for myself. 1. To make an A 2. To loose 10lbs which would put me 3 pounds below my pre Molly weight :) I accomplished both! YEEEEEEEEEEE HAW! I had also signed up to take Psych 1603 as a Maymester on the Internet. I dropped it today because I need a break. I have plenty of time to take it before my application is due. Chemistry starts June 8th.

We dissected owl pellets today. GROSS! It was so nasty to see the rodent fur. 6 more days.........

8 MORE!!!!

I've been too busy to post this week. Last night I took my Nutrition final. Hopefully I made an A. Commencement is Saturday so grades should post by Friday :) 6 more classes to go and then I can apply. ONLY 8 MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so happy and can't believe I made it!
YES LORD!

Who can resist these faces?

I'm serious, if I had just a little more energy I'd get one. These are Zoey's baby sisters. They are both already purchased and paid for :) Thank goodness because Bob is not very good at telling me no. Are they cute or what?????

Pink Paint

Pink Paint
I've decided to repaint Molly's room. Right now it is painted electric blue (bright turquoise). It's really cute but a precious person that we never get to see chose that color. Every time I go into Molly's room it's a sad reminder. I still love the bedding in the room. It has plenty of different pinks so I'm going for pink. Does anyone or has anyone used a light pink color (not bubble gum pink) that you liked? Amanda I know you can't help me on this one ;) You could try for a 3rd and I'll give you my left over paint. LOL!

Tuesday

Molly Update
I just took Molly to see Dr. Coco. He says her lungs sound clear and to keep taking the augmentin. We are keeping her home for the rest of the week.

Happy Birthday Katy!!!!
My sister turns 31 today. She is the best sister in the whole wide world. I am so thankful for her friendship and for the way she understands me. At the bottom of this post there are pictures from a party I threw her last year. Katy is wigging out because she is turning 30. It was fun!

Sad News

Also, we have some sad news. Connie Freeman who created the Barnabas Project called to tell me yesterday that she has breast cancer. I know for a fact that I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for her love and Barnabas. Connie also holds a special place in my heart because she officiated at our wedding and also my Dad's funeral. Please pray for Connie. Her 1st surgery is Monday, May 11th.

Nick and Bob

Katy, Linda, Pete, Mom and Meghan

Chloe and Molly. Chloe is going to be a big sister soon.

Pneumonia

Friday night around 8:30 I started to think Molly had a fever. SWINE FLU????? When we checked her temp she was at 102.2. It was 9:00 and every clinic around here was closed. We are also keeping Katrina for the weekend so Bob stayed with her. I went to pick up my mom and we went to Trinity Medical ER. After 3 hours we were seen, chest x-rays were taken and flu tests were given. Molly has viral pneumonia. We got home at 4:00 am because the ER was so full. She is very sick and very sad. I'm not taking her to the baby house this week so we are trying to work the schedule out now. Hope she gets better soon!

Molly Meeker

Cheesy Smile!

Favorite book of the month.

Check out my molars!

Pitting Out

I promise after today............more fun posts to come :) You all know the situation at my job. 3 members of my team have been hard to work with. About 2 months ago I had enough. I have not spoken up for myself or been confrontational at all. Take it, take some more, take some more..........Long story short I said some things to my boss that weren't that nice. I think she was surprised at the time. (Yes, even I have a limit :) For the past few weeks I have felt convicted to ask for her forgiveness about the way I talked to her. I went to her office today and owned my part. I'm pretty sure she was surprised. I think most people brush over things like this and they never get addressed. Here's to working a 12 step program!!! We talked a bit and she said thank you for being honest. She also said that I had risen above in all situations this year. I'm so happy to be free of thinking of the way I talked to her. I always forget that forgiveness is mostly freeing for the seeker. Through out this whole ordeal it was my only regret. IT IS HARD TO ASK FOR FORGIVENESS! It's done and I can coast on through the next month and feel good about myself.

PS-I was so nervous my shirt is probably ruined. Pitting out! GROOOOSSSSSSSSSS!!!!

Almost May

This time of year is when I start to remember the progression of my Dad's sickness. May 14th, Bob's Birthday and the day we got engaged was the first time we found out my Dad was suicidal. I sometimes feel like maybe I shouldn't talk about this or maybe people think that I should move on a little quicker. Maybe thinking about it makes people uncomfortable. I have no realm for that since my Aunt Mary committed suicide when I was 14. One thing I vowed after my Dad died is that this would not be a secret. This is not my "bad attitude" however there are two things that bother me after 3 years of surviving this. 1. So many people joke about killing themselves if something is too hard. Some people have even pointed an imaginary gun at their head and made the gesture of shooting themselves. There are other instances I won't mention because they were so horrid. Important people have done this, people who "should" know better. And yet it leaves me wondering when I have hurt someone by a thoughtless comment. wow. 2. I can't tell you how many times people have said that my Dad's suicide was a selfish act or that he had a choice. Let me tell you this, if someone had a choice they would not choose a painful and lonely death. Not to mention that I fully believe that my Dad had a mental break the two weeks before his death. He was not himself what so ever. Suicidal people believe that death is the only option to relieve their pain.

On the inside I always hope people don't think I can't move on or that I am living in the past. For myself, I have to say that suicide is a part of my life. It's not the only part of my life. I have a family, dogs that I love, a church, a small ministry in my garage, a job, a goal for another job, and a few awesome friends. Especially at this time of year I have to remember these things to be thankful for. I also have to accept that this strange plan for my life is not something I am skilled to understand.

There was one song I listened to for 2 solid months after my Dad's death. All the time.....non stop. I listened to it loud in the car and anywhere I could listen to it. I wanted so badly to believe the words. The last part is best if listened to very loud, possibly singing the words with everything you have inside.

My Savior, My God by Aaron Shust

I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at His right hand stands one who is my Savior.

I take him at his word and deed
Christ died to save me, this I read
And in my heart I find a need of Him to be my Savior.

That he would leave his place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior.

My Savior loves, my Savior lives
My Savior's always there for me
My God; He was; My God He is
My God is always gonna be.

Dog Poster

One of my students made this for me last night. Isn't it so cute? I love how Zoey looks like a black and white cow. I may have to laminate it.

Daddy's Socks

Molly was dying to have these socks on this morning. She was dying to put them on by herself but needed a little help :)

Providing

The Bible says that God will provide us with all that we need. In theory this is something that I do believe. If say Bob were to loose his job or something like that I wonder what I would think??? However, in the past 24 hours I have personally witnessed this "providing" with my own eyes. You all know we run the clothing closet for Tapestry. We receive stuff, organize it and then pass it on. This is for any foster parent, not just at our church. Yesterday a lady emailed me for clothing for 4 children (a sibling set). I had not one item in the sizes she needed. No joke...........when I pulled up to my house today there were 7 trash bags on my door step. Tonight I dug through them (while Molly was "crying it out") and found beautiful, almost new clothes for 3 of the 4 kids. I also found about 5 fun, big trucks. The 2 and 3 year old boys will love them. Plus there were tons of new baby toys for the 1 year old. God even provides the right clothing sizes for homeless kids. AMAZING! Every time that we have needed something for these kids it has appeared within days. In all seriousness, who am I to doubt the creator of the universe?

PS-Molly has been crying now for 45 minutes and I can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aunt Katy's New Purse

Sunday nights are now our weekly get together. We all go to 6:00 church service at IBC and grab some food afterwards. Tonight Uncle Nick put Molly in Katy's new HUGE purse.

Playlist ???????

Does anyone know how to cut and paste a playlist from playlist.com into your blog? I want to do it but have no idea how!!! HELP!

GED Help!!!!

HELP! The Baby House is trying to renew their license with the state. Maria, Molly's favorite teacher does not have her high school diploma. They just found out that this would be a problem. She has worked at the Baby House for 3 years and loves all of the children so much! I am determined to rally around her and help her pass. With so many educators around it shouldn't be a problem. Right? Do any of you know about the GED or alternatives??? I found a few on line programs tonight. Gotta run...........two stinky great danes are breathing on me!!!!

Test #3

Tonight I took my 3rd nutrition test. I left feeling so so about my grade. That hopefully means a low A or a high B. Our prof offered extra credit so my average is now a 100. Only one more test to go! I am already registered through December. After that all I will need is a statistics class! Keep praying for a 4.0

Dev. Psych-Maymester (Internet Only)
Chemistry and Lab-Summer 1
Anatomy Part 2 and Lab-Summer 2
US Government-Fall (Internet Only) Made a D freshman year......too much water skiing!
Anatomy Part 1 and Lab-Fall

The lowest score TWU usually takes is a 3.7 so I am shooting for a 4.0!!!!! Add .4 to overall GPA (for admission purposes only) if prerequisite classes are taken at TWU.

GREAT dane

Here are some standing pictures of the girls that show their size. Love the black dot on Zoey's hiney. People may break into my car but they won't dare break into my house. I have so much LOVE for this breed. WHY? Well, I read The Guardian by Nicholas Sparks. I fell in love with Singer, the dane in the book. For months I thought about this dog. After my Dad passed I spent about an hour a day on the internet looking at dane puppies. It was the one thing that really made me feel so happy :) After 6 months of looking I picked Highlander's Christmas Snowflake aka Zoey Katherine Cupcake Dreams Really Do Come True Meeker. She is a typical dane; lovable, goofy, clumsy, smart but plays dumb and BIG! Zoey's Weight=My Weight (post baby :)

Zoey looking out the front window.

Honey.

Baby Girl!

How's this for size?