Thinking About Grief

I was driving to the post office last night when I had a huge realization about grieving my Dad. My 1st strange thought was that I could drive all over looking for him and never find him. I don't know why that came to mind because it seems sort of childlike. On to the next thought.....in life none of us are ever fully satisfied with our houses, cars, money, job status, relationships, we complain about others, judge others, want things our way.....the list goes on. We all either want more, want to be in a different place etc......I think it's the nature of living in this fallen world. I realized that my grief is a mirror to this life. No matter what anyone says to me, no matter if any one remembers my Dad or not, no matter if people understand the loss of a parent, or if they understand a loss to suicide, or if they think only crazy people "kill themselves", or if they think this won't happen to them (not that I wish that on anyone), or if they say the exact right thing I will NEVER be satisfied because ultimately they can not bring back Tim Cook (I like to saying his name), my Dad. I feel so free of my expectations. I can feel sad about him and not have all these other crazy feelings about they way people respond or understand. Relief!

By the way, I have changed the date of my Birthday :) June SUCKS because of Mary's suicide, June 13, my Papa's death, June 22, and my Dad's suicide June 25, and one other something that is coming up on June 9th (friends you know what I am talking about). So, my family has agreed to let me have my B-day on May 30th. I was going to go for December but that would get too confusing! LOL!