Day 13

Day 13 More Psychodrama. (Alot to be thankful for) I have to say that the psychodrama was physically and mentally exhausting. I think that is the reason I haven't posted this week. My "psychodrama" of course revolved around my Dad's suicide. The therapist let me choose where to start. So, that is what came out of my mouth first. I can't explain the whole process but what I have taken from it is huge. Two things always to remember about suicide. 1. Suicide will always be part of my life. 2. At some point you have to move forward with gusto! 3. Yes I said two but it's really three part. The suicide and moving forward with gusto will always go hand in hand. At times they will seperate and other times be together. Confused a little but I "get it". The most valuable thing I learned there is that I can still have JOY and remember my Dad at the same time. You know it's weird even 2 1/2 years later I'll be playing at the park with Molly and some horrific thought will pop into my mind. (graphic things that I won't say on my blog) This is the way life will be for me for a long, long time. One friend told me that I had 2 years to grieve my Dad. I've for some reason believed this. The psychodrama therapist said 2 years was only the beginning. So, I need to be real and say that this still affects my every day life. Even writing that on the blog makes me feel guilty or needy. I'm not looking for more sympathy, just friends and a place to say what is on my mind, instead of stuffing. Maybe one day (years from now) I'll be the wounded healer and bless some other suicide survivor's life.