Christmas.............it can be a time for me to reflect on how my life has not turned out "normal" or how I can accept it for what it is. I have not put up a Christmas tree or any decorations in 3 years. You see my Dad's favorite time to spend with us was in front of a lighted Christmas tree, listening to Johnny Mathis sing Christmas carols. Since his death the thought of doing that was too scary. Yesterday I was thinking about Molly and how this could be one of her best memories too. How could I cheat her because of my fear? So today I busted out the itunes and down loaded Johnny Mathis' Merry Christmas. Where to find a tree with only a few hours left? Humm.....BIG LOTS! So we bought the last tree in Farmers Branch and it's hot pink with pink lights. It's so festive and fun, just how it should be for a two year old. Listening to Johnny sing I'll Be Home for Christmas is difficult but I know my Dad would want me to remember him this way. A big reminder of how God does not intend for me to live in the shadow of darkness. So today I chose JOY.
Dad I miss you so much. 3 1/2 years is such a long time to go without seeing you.
I'll be home for Christmas
You can count on me
Please have snow and mistletoe and presents on the tree
Christmas Eve will find me
Where the love light gleans
I'll be home home for Christmas
If only in my dreams
4 comments:
Amy, i am so proud of you. molly has a wonderful Mommy (of course I already knew that:) I can't imagine how hard this time is for you. I am thinking of you.
You are inspiring with your honesty and bravery. Your daughter is a lucky girl.
I personally love the pink tree!
I'm so proud of you Amy...what courage! Know that I am thinking of you and missing you:)
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